Ephesians 4:24-32 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. (25) Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. (26) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (27) Neither give place to the devil. (28) Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. (29) Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (30) And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

I Thessalonians 5:19, Quench not the Spirit.

Here at Hope Biblical Counseling Center, we get the opportunity to counsel may people about their marriage.  We receive hundreds of emails from people with problems in their marriage.  One of the things we wish to do is to let people know that God wants them to have hope in their lives and in their marriages.  I find there is always a very important ingredient missing in their lives.  They do not understand how to have a real, intimate, personal, and passionate relationship with God through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13, Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

In Ephesians 5:18-33 where the Apostle Paul beautifully deals with marriage, we see clearly that the supernatural love he is talking about between a man and a women means they are two saved, Spirit filled and controlled people.  Many Christians miss that.

Many years ago I read a book on the Holy Spirit. It is a classic on the person and work of the Holy Spirit. It was a real blessing for me to read. About the middle of the book I came across the chapter on grieving and quenching the Holy Spirit. Much damage is being done in people’s lives and marriages who profess to be saved because they are grieving and quenching the Holy Spirit. Many people do not realize they are grieving and quenching the Holy Spirit.

Ezekiel 36:26-27, A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. (27) And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

Upon every person who has trusted Jesus Christ as Saviour, God has bestowed a wondrous gift, that of His Holy Spirit, to guide our affairs and to lead us to do His will. God has a deep personal interest in each of His children. He is concerned about us as individuals. So in order to assure us of victory He sent the Holy Spirit, the omnipresent One, to occupy each life who has trusted Jesus Christ as Saviour. His desire is to have unhindered use of our whole being.

Into each regenerate life the Holy Spirit comes to dwell. The Lord knew that man could not keep His holy law by mere human effort as He said in Ezekiel 36:27. By the power of His indwelling Spirit, God would “cause” us to do what He would have us to do. Before the Holy Spirit can dwell anywhere there must of necessity be a cleansing process.

Acts 15:8-9, And God, which knoweth the hearts, bare them witness, giving them the Holy Ghost, even as he did unto us; (9) And put no difference between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith.

Listen carefully, The Holy Spirit of God is a HOLY Spirit and He cannot dwell where there is sin and defilement. Before He takes us up His abode in any man a mighty change must first take place, the change of salvation. His holiness will permit Him to dwell only in a holy place. Notice in Acts 15: 9, “purifying their hearts by faith.” Having complete knowledge of the deceitfulness and vileness of the human heart, God had to create in man a clean heart before His Spirit could enter. In the book of Acts in another place we read about the return of Christ to the Father. The Lord Jesus said, “He would send another Comforter.” On the Day of Pentecost the Holy Spirit came to earth to become incarnate in believers–those that trusted Christ as Saviour. While it has pleased God to dwell in the believer as His temple, that dwelling must be kept clean. God is interested in this temple being kept clean. This is where grieving and quenching comes in. The only place in the New Testament that grieving the Holy Spirit is mentioned is in Ephesians 4:30.

Ephesians 4:30, And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

The only place in the New Testament that quenching the Holy Spirit is mentioned is in I Thessalonians 5:19. I have given these two words, grieving and quenching a great deal of thought. Realizing that salvation is the stepping off place and the Spirit of God comes to live in me, I cannot live the Christian life in my own power and the Spirit of God is given to me for that purpose.

The command of God in Ephesians 5:18, is to be filled (controlled) by the Spirit of God. Ephesians 4:30 says the Holy Spirit can be grieved and I Thessalonians 5:19 says he can be quenched.

Anything that is going to count for anything in my life or yours spiritually must be done in the power of The Holy Spirit.

Our witnessing is that way. Our homes are that way. Our church is that way. It all must be controlled by the Holy Spirit. You ever wonder why folks are not drawn to Christ? Ever wonder why the Word of God is given out but seemingly falls on deaf ears? Ever wonder why there is such a lackadaisical attitude to the things of God? Ever wonder why there are not proper priorities in a person’s life who professes to be saved? The answer is, my friend, that the Holy Spirit does not have free reign in the life or corporately in a life, home, or church. The Holy Spirit is grieved and quenched and consequently fruitlessness comes out of that life, home, or church. Honestly, this has concerned me greatly. In our Biblical Counseling ministry I have seen so many lives that are in destruction mode or are being destroyed. The person does not understand what it means to have a real, intimate, personal, and passionate relationship with God. They are not rightly related to God and are living for their lusts.

Proverbs 13:13, Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.

What happens when a person is controlled by the Holy Spirit? The fruits of the Spirit are manifested in his life.

Galatians 5:22-24, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (24) And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

If the fruits of the Spirit are not being shown in our lives then you and I need to understand we are not controlled by the Holy Spirit. Another thing to consider is if we are not controlled by the Holy Spirit then we are being controlled by the lust(s) of the flesh.

Galatians 5:19-21, Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness (unbridled lust), (20) Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, (21) Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

There is something very interesting here. A person who does the things in Galatians 5:19-21 continually and habitually and is not convicted by the Holy Spirit concerning these things has never been saved. That is a barometer to look at in your life.

If we are not controlled by the Holy Spirit then there is a reason. There are only two reasons, we have never truly repented of our sins, turned from ourselves and our sins and turned to Jesus Christ and received Him or, there is a lust or lusts in our life we are not dealing with.

The Holy Spirit is being held back from working in my life by an unclean temple. It is interesting to me that the two words grieve and quench are similar but different. What does it mean to grieve? The dictionary says, “To cause to feel grief-afflict with pain and deep sorrow-make sad.” Does that bother you? It does me, to think I could hurt the Holy Spirit, make Him feel grief, pain, and make Him sad.

Ephesians 4:30, And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

The Spirit of God can be grieved. He lives within you and me. He feels pain and hurt. Did you notice the last part of Ephesians 4:30? Whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

This is probably one of the greatest passages on eternal security in the Bible. The Holy Spirit can be grieved, but He cannot be grieved away! Why? Because, a saved person, is sealed by Him until the day of redemption!

However, when the Holy Spirit is grieved–hurt–He will not do that which He could do in my life or yours. Our home will be affected, our marriage, and our children will be affected. Our home will not be working correctly, our children will be affected, our marriage will not work correctly, and all of that spills over into the church.

I want to share this with you–the Holy Spirit is sensitive! What is it that grieves the Holy Spirit? What is it that hurts Him so that He will sit back and will not do anything? A lack of submission in our lives to His work in our lives! Sin!

James 4:7-10, Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (8) Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. (9) Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. (10) Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

I am always amazed that people are so interested in living for their lusts as a Christian that they grieve the Holy Spirit rather than dealing with their sins and submitting to the Holy Spirit. They are not even interested in learning how to submit themselves to God?! Wow! You are hurting the Spirit of God, inflicting pain on Him!

The lack of interest in having a real, intimate, personal, and passionate relationship with God is severely lacking in this day. If you do not know what it means to have a real relationship with God please click on the link below and read the article and come back here after reading it.


Folks, God not only tells us the Holy Spirit can be grieved, He tells us exactly how we grieve the Spirit.

Ephesians 4:29 and 31, Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (31) Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice (intent to hurt people with an uncontrolled hate).

It is interesting to me that verse 30 would be between these two verses. Let me say that all sin grieves the Holy Spirit. There are sins of the flesh and sins of the human spirit. The things that are mentioned here in these two verses are sins of the spirit. My friend, when there is a sin of the spirit it eventually comes out of the mouth. It is a timeless principle of God. When it comes out of the mouth the Spirit of God is grieved.

In verse 29 did you notice the word, “Let”? Right at the start of this verse God is making it plain we have to make a decision to be a Spirit controlled person or a person who will grieve the Holy Spirit.
There are six things mentioned in verse 31. I call them the slimy six. Are you involved in them? Be honest. If so, you are grieving the Holy Spirit. Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking and malice.

Have you ever wondered why bitterness is mentioned first here? Bitterness is a root sin. The roots of bitterness go deep in a person’s life. Let me stop now and ask you a question. Why not ask God the question, “Is there any bitterness in my life right now?” If so, God please show that to me. You will need to confess to God what He showed you, and repent or turn from it. Notice why and what God says about it.

Hebrews 12:15, Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Okay, did you see this looking diligently? At what? Yourself! Why? Lest any man fail of the grace of God. How would you fail of the grace of God? By not looking at yourself diligently to see if there is a root of bitterness in your life. Bitterness is a root sin and it defiles you and many others when you have a root of bitterness in your life. It always causes trouble in your life and the roots go deep. You have to get bitterness out by the root!

Remember when a root of bitterness is in your life it is a sin of the spirit and always comes out of the mouth. Therefore, the Holy Spirit is grieved.

Out of bitterness come the other five slimy things in Ephesians 4:31. Remember what they are?

Wrath means anger with a strong desire to avenge; anger; clamour means public quarreling, evil speaking, and malice.

Pretty ugly stuff that all comes out of the mouth. Notice God’s command in vs 29, Let NO corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth…

Let me ask this question–what part of NO do we not understand? It means none! No evil speaking!

I was recently counseling a couple. They had bitterness and were arguing and saying some pretty hurtful things. It is so sad when a couple comes to this place. In essence, they do not care what they say or whom it hurts. Bible principles are not cared for or even thought about. I want my way! Hardly Spirit controlled people. Every day was a miserable day for them yet they professed to be saved! God does not want us to have miserable days with our spouse. We will have, if we are not Spirit controlled people. Notice what God says about this.

I Peter 3:7-10, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (8) Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: (9) Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. (10) For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

Ladies and gentlemen, God wants you to be a Spirit controlled person so you will speak right, not have sins of the spirit so you will not speak right. God wants us to speak words that edify people, build them up, not tear them down! When you are letting anger run in your life, and it is a sin of the spirit, you will say things that grieve the Holy Spirit and life just gets miserable. Did you notice in verse 10 that He wants us to love life and see good days? How do you do that? Notice the “let”, you have to make a decision to be a Spirit controlled person, submit to God and refrain your tongue from evil, and your lips that you speak no guile, (deceit).

Otherwise you will not love life and see good days. I want to love life and see good days! I want to point out one more thing about those six words in Ephesians 4:31. The last word in the verse is malice. All the other five words before that lead to maliciousness. The intent to try to really hurt and destroy other people. Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour (public quarreling), evil speaking all lead to malicious behavior.

Ephesians 4:31, Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

What are we to do? Be put away from you! Are you a Spirit controlled person or are you grieving the Holy Spirit? Are these six things part of your life or are you putting them off?

The Holy Spirit will not work in your life positively if you never learn to submit your spirit to His Spirit and be controlled in your mind, heart and your mouth! This wicked behavior many times goes on in a person’s life for years. The Holy Spirit is grieved!

Have you ever wondered why you marriage is failing? Why your children just have no interest in spiritual things? Or worse yet, desire to live a wicked lustful life? The Holy Spirit is grieved in your life and their life. Instead of running off at the mouth with sins of the spirit, what kind of behavior does God want you to have?

Ephesians 4:32, And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Did you know that love is kind? I Corinthians 13:4-5, Charity (love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Mean spirited people are unkind people and are showing they are not Spirit controlled people. Remember what comes out of your mouth shows what and who is controlling you!

Quenching of the Spirit happens because of grieving of the Spirit!

When I think of quenching I think of water. The definition from the dictionary means to extinguish, put out as water quenched the fire.

The Holy Spirit is likened in the Bible to a fire. Let me ask you another question–if you have no desire for the things of God, have you quenched the Spirit? Are you putting down the fire of or desire of God in your life?

To speak of quenching the Spirit of God is to use a metaphor meaning to put out a fire.

Whenever the believer resists the efforts of the Holy Spirit to cleanse and use him he quenches the Holy Spirit.

Listen to me very carefully here, when God shows you the sin in your life and you are not willing to respond to it the way God says, you quench the Spirit. You withhold His power in your life.

My, how many believers live with bitterness, hatred, anger, blame throwing, and everything else in their lives and they wonder why God does not use them or help them? They wonder why their home is not working properly or their lives?

My friend, the Spirit of God withholds His power when He is grieved or quenched. Very simple, my friend. You may be born again, but in your heart you are holding bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, maliciousness and every time the opportunity comes up you are using evil speaking to grieve and quench the Holy Spirit. Have you ever noticed that non Spirit controlled people listen to the wrong people? They will listen to someone slander or say something horrible about another person and repeat it to another person. Plain wickedness! Here is a person who listens to this foolishness and never even checks with the person who is talked about. They just believe it and repeat it. What does the Bible say about that?

Proverbs 18:12-13, Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility. (13) He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. Haughty means I don’t think much of you! Pride says, “What do you think of me?’ If a person listens to a haughty man and repeats slanderous remark(s) it is evil speaking and it is folly and shame unto him. So, let me ask you a simple question, who are you talking about that you should not be talking about? What are you listening to that you should not be listening to? It grieves and quenches the Holy Spirit. It hurts Him greatly! God wants you to be a Spirit controlled person, not a jealous, foolish, evil speaking, and shameful person. Sadly, because of a lack of being Spirit controlled people we are described here as foolish shameful people!

How do I change that?

  1. I have to deal with my sin daily. I learned several years ago to ask God if there was any sin that stood between me and Him each day. Lord, show it to me. He will. When He does, I need to confess the sin and turn from it, I John 1:9. I am now free to communicate with God. You know, I have found out how gracious and loving God is each day as He deals with me through His Word in dealing with my sins. The joy of sins forgiven and the degree to which God opens His Word to me each day, I think is incredible. I then ask God to fill me and control me by the Holy Spirit today.
  2. We developed a program here at Hope Biblical Counseling Center several years ago called “How to Have a Daily Time with God.” The premise is to have a notebook called a “Daily Spiritual Diary.” Each day I use a page of the notebook, and write down 1. God’s Message to Me Today. 2. A Promise from God. 3. A Command to Keep. 4. A Timeless Principle (a principle that is good for all time in both Old and New Testament). 5. My Application. 6. Additional Comments. I recommend you have a spiral bound notebook for your “Daily Spiritual Diary”. Folks, the notebook does not lie as I put the date of each day right at the top. It is a record of my faithfulness in my relationship with the Saviour.
  3. Each day I ask God to give me His message for me today. In essence, I want to hear from God for real. “Lord, show me what you have today for me from your Word. Please make it real to my life.” Folks, God does not bless Bible readers; He blesses Bible meditators, Psalm 1:1-6,Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

As I am reading down through my Bible, when the Holy Spirit shows me a truth I stop! I read the verse over several times. I break down the verse. If I do not know what some words mean in the verse, I look them up. Listen carefully, the reason I stopped is because I have asked the Holy Spirit to give me His message for me today. God speaks to my heart (meditator) about this passage. Meditating is thinking about the passage.

Psalm 119:11, Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

This verse is not about memorizing the Bible for knowledge purposes – it is about putting it in your heart (meditator). I am stopped to listen to God. It is time to stop (not talk), and listen and learn from the Master Teacher. I then write it down in my own words. I then proceed and the Holy Spirit stops me again for a promise, command, etc. I dissect the verse that the Holy Spirit has stopped me on.

Psalm 19:14, Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

I have a page in my “Daily Spiritual Diary” where I write special thoughts from God and meditate on them. I want to have a real relationship with the God of the universe and I want Him to speak to me. I then write down under “My Application” what all this means to me and how I can apply it to my life. I write it down in my own words, sometimes as a prayer.

  1. Now we come to the prayer time. Remember a relationship is about talk and listen, listen and talk. As I come to prayer, I ask God to speak to my spirit today about what He wants me to pray about. “Lord, what do you want me to pray about today?” This is very important. Remember I John 2:15-17 where the devil is seeking to control my life through outside pressure through the lust of the flesh (an overwhelming desire todo), lust of the eyes (an overwhelming desire tohave), and the pride of life (an overwhelming desire to be). Listen carefully, after asking God what He wants me to pray about today, and praying about it as He speaks to me. I then ask God what He wants me to do today, what He wants me to have today, and what He wants me to be today. Effectively, I have disarmed the devil’s approach by turning these three areas over to God. Folks, would it not be better to pray about what God wants you to do, have, and be? The people who come through our counseling program are always talking about what they want to do, what they want to have, and what they want to be. I know immediately they are being controlled by the devil’s influence on their soul and he is controlling their body and therefore controlling what they ultimately do.
  2. There are three more things I want to ask God about. First of all – who does He want me to witness to today? Then I stop talking (be quiet) and listen to God. Remember a relationship is a two way street, talk and listen, listen and talk. After God tells me who to witness to today, I then ask him who He wants me to encourage today. When He brings up that person I pray for them and then maybe give them a call or write them a note. Thirdly, I ask God what I can praise Him for today. There are many passages of scripture that tell us to praise God. However, I want to know what He wants me to praise Him for. Why do I pray about whom to witness to today, encourage today, and to praise God for? Because I am focusing on others and not myself. When most Christians pray they have a list and they go down it and it is, “Lord give me this and I want that or let me be this.” It is a self-righteous way to pray and it is not accomplishing anything. It is the focus of the devil to get the Christian to love the world. I John 2:15, If any man love the world the love of the Father is not in Him. Does that mean he is lost? No, it means he does not have a real relationship with God. His love is somewhere else – toward the world. When you develop a real relationship with the Saviour, it will be a love relationship. Think about it, the God of the universe is speaking to me and I am listening to Him. I am talking to Him and He is listening to me. What will really effectively increase your faith will happen when you ask God what to pray about, and He tells you and you pray about it and it is answered. When was the last time you had a real answer to prayer? Are you self-righteously praying?

I used to play professional baseball as a pitcher. When I would stand on the mound I would look at the catcher and ignore the hitter. When I threw a 92 mile an hour fast ball by the hitter, I was focused on me and the catcher. In baseball terms it was called “he is in the zone.” Nothing else was focused on. I liken that to my relationship with God. It is personal (between me and God), intimate (it is a love relationship, very close to each other), and passionate (there is real desire there). Nothing motivates you more than to know that God will speak to you today and will hear you speak to Him. Talk and listen, listen and talk.

Without the intimate, personal, passionate relationship between God and me, I am doomed to disaster after disaster and failure in many parts of my life. It will always affect my wife and children. If I am living the Christian life in unrighteousness or self-righteousness (seeking to live the Christian life in my own power), I am doomed to a lot of pain and destruction in my life. The devil really does not care if I live the Christian life–either way it is fine with him.

  1. You must learn the submission principle.

James 4:7, Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

The devil every day, multiple times a day, will put outside pressure on your life. He does this many times with our lusts.

Romans 6:12-19, Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield (submit) ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield (submit) yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield (submit) yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded (submitted) your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield (submit) your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. So, how do I submit? Every time a lust, evil thought, or outside pressure comes up, which I call the point of spiritual impact, “Lord, I want to turn this over to you. Forgive me for this thought or desire and I want to turn from it. I submit myself to you. What do you want me to praise you for and thank you for?” The essence of the submitted Christian life is to ask God questions. Remember James 4:7 says the devil is involved and the only way to walk in the Spirit is to have a submitted life with God. That is where our power comes from, being submitted moment by moment, at the point of spiritual impact. In the question asking with God, use the: who, what, when, where, how, and why method. Lord who do you want me to witness to today? Lord what do you want me to pray about today? Lord, what can I praise you for today? Questions are submission. Remember to stop, think, turn it over to God, and listen. Always ask God questions.

The sadness of the hour in which we live is that many Christians do not have a real relationship with God. Folks, do not think that I have said memorization of scripture is not good. It is, but by itself will create a self-righteous life. If you memorize it, meditate on it. How does God speak to you through the verses? Also, you have to read your Bible to meditate, but you have to stop to study and listen to the Spirit of God when He wants to show you what He wants for you from God’s Word. Do not just keep on going because you have three or four chapters you must read today. You have to stop and listen! A real relationship requires we spend quality time together. Kim is my best friend. She is someone I can talk to and listen to. She is the love of my life. My relationship with the Lord is to be like that as well.

We have a booklet on our web site www.hopebiblicalcounselingcenter.com called How to Have A Daily Time with God. It will show you step by step how to have an intimate, personal, passionate relationship with the Saviour. Remember, my baseball story. While I was pitching, the infielders behind me would chatter to try to distract the hitter and disrupt their concentration. I was in the zone, just me and the catcher. After the pitch, I would hear an infielder say, “Way to go, hum baby!” When you have a real intimate personal, passionate relationship with the Lord, you are in the zone and humming. When the devil comes along with his outside pressure, you are focused on the Spirit of God speaking to your spirit, and your soul is then controlled by the Spirit of God and so is your body, thus you are Spirit controlled and walking in the Spirit.

When there is outside pressure from the devil, instead of responding to people with anger, meanness, harshness, or other responses, you are responding with the fruits of the spirit, Galatians 5:22-22, “love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance.”

Once I learned what it was to have a real relationship with God, as a father, I knew I had to teach it to my children. I wanted them to really know the Lord. I discussed it with them about what all this meant. I wanted them to know how to have a real relationship with God. Without a real relationship with God their lives will be a disaster when they leave my house. Many times I would ask my daughters when they were growing up, “What is God speaking to you about?” Their answers were always revealing to me. I did not just hope it would happen. I wanted them to taste of the Lord and see that He was good! We spent time talking about our relationship with God. I would ask them what God was speaking to them to pray about. We talked about it and as they got older they would come with real excitement to tell me what God was speaking to them about or what God had taught them. We would have that excitement and joy together.

I believe the principle of Ephesians 6:4 is very important here. And, ye Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:

How would a father provoke his children to wrath? Could it be because he did not teach them to have a real relationship with the Lord? So they learn in their lives, when the outside pressure comes from Satan, how to respond by being controlled by their soul and respond in the dictates of the flesh. One of those is “wrath”, Galatians 5:19-21.

The rest of Ephesians 6:4 says, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

It means training with structure. I say again folks, how can a parent get the heart of their child and train them to have a relationship with the Lord if they are living a self-righteous (living the Christian life in their own power) or unrighteous life? It is not going to happen and the end result for the child’s life is the works of the flesh list of Galatians 5:19-21. (Read that list over and meditate on it. Are you or your children in that list?). The kind of life the self-righteous Christian lives is a real grind. It is over and over the same thing – keeping the rules, but not experiencing the power of a real relationship with God. The Christian who lives that way takes on the 19 characteristics (from 2 Timothy 3:1-5) of the apostate age in which we live. How does it end? “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof:” What a miserable life and a destructive life! It does not have to be that way. We can have victory through the power of the Spirit of God who indwells us and wants us to have a real relationship with Him.

If you do not know what to do and need help because you are caught in the sins of the flesh because of outside pressure from the devil, feel free to contact us at hopeforyou@hopebiblicalcounselingcenter.com.  May God help you today to seek to have a real relationship with Him.